A confident person always not only makes a stronger and more positive impression on others than an insecure person, but also usually achieves much greater results in life, despite equal opportunities. Psychologists believe that self-doubt is a consequence of a person’s internal lack of freedom, the reason for which is his overly developed internal censor, which forces a person to be too critical of his own behavior and make excessive demands on himself, which gives rise to constant constraint and fear of failure.
A complex and timid person He is always afraid of making some mistake, so he prefers to do nothing at all rather than do something wrong. And he is afraid, first of all, of his internal censor, who will mercilessly condemn him for the slightest mistake, which usually causes such a person strong mental discomfort and a feeling of his own insignificance.
The reason for this psychological state is rooted in a person’s early childhood and includes rigid parental attitudes deeply rooted in his subconscious about the correct and misbehavior. Most likely, such a person had very authoritarian, demanding and strict parents who punished and criticized the child for the slightest offense and very rarely praised him.
Now, the role of a strict parent is played by a person’s subconscious, constantly forcing him to critically examine his every action and give a harsh and ruthless assessment of his actions. This can have a bad effect not only on the mental, but also on the physical state of a person, provoking the development of anxious character accentuation, as well as various malfunctions in work endocrine system body. An insecure person is characterized by apathy, weakness, weakness, decreased body tone and a tendency to depression.
Dealing with your own self-doubt is quite difficult, since you will have to work with the deep layers of your subconscious, which is much stronger than our consciousness and is difficult to influence, but nothing is impossible for a patient and purposeful person!
First, you need to reconsider your attitudes and beliefs from the point of view of their absoluteness and unquestioningness. It is possible that all a person’s claims to himself, upon closer examination, will turn out to be exaggerated and unfair, and that the mistakes he has made are actually not worth a damn. No one can always be correct, impeccable and please everyone without exception.
It is very important to learn to sincerely love and respect yourself. Moreover, love and respect not for any specific merits and achievements, but as they are. This must first be understood, and then felt to the core. Our feelings and emotions are the key to our subconscious, with the help of which we can change our character and, consequently, our destiny.
How to get rid of self-doubt:
- Praise yourself even for the smallest achievements and successes in life.
- Respect and love yourself.
- Try to communicate more with other people.
- Avoid self-criticism.
- Appreciate your opportunities.
- Know how to refuse.
- Don't hide your desires, feelings, demands.
- Believe in yourself and achieve your goals.
Many psychologists recommend communicate more with other people - this will help overcome self-doubt, and also save you from subsequent failures in communication. During a conversation, you need to be concentrated on the interlocutor, you need to speak loudly and clearly, look into the eyes, express your feelings, desires and demands using the word “I”.
How to get rid of insecurity - video
A fairly serious problem that can significantly worsen a person’s life. But few people think about what this uncertainty is. In fact, insecurity is just a person's personal opinion about himself. It’s just that some people think that everything is great with them, while others think that everything is bad with them - this is what causes all the problems.
A person who, from a young age, believes that something is wrong with him, is constantly afraid to express his opinion, is afraid to ask for something and want something. As a result, he makes himself “abnormal”. Moreover, if you look at it objectively, then an insecure person is no worse than a confident person, he just looks at himself from a different point of view.
Self-doubt is not the most best quality, which can be very disturbing in life, and it’s good if a person understands this and asks the question “how to get rid of uncertainty”, “how to make your life better”?
How self-doubt manifests itself
Manifestations of self-doubt are very diverse, and they are quite easy to detect during communication, but the most common ones are worth listing:
- Inability to defend interests, even if you are indisputably right
- Inability to express your feelings in a way that others can understand
- Inability to connect with people
- Excessive tactfulness, caution, inability to say “no”
- Excessive modesty and fear of public opinion
Lack of self-confidence often stems from an inability to understand another person. A person who does not understand the emotions, moods, and speech nuances of other people cannot communicate normally with them. And as a result of constant unsuccessful contacts, negative experience accumulates, resentment, fear and bitterness arise, which lead to a constant depressed state, forcing a person to refrain from communication and creating a constant negative emotional background.
How to get rid of insecurity on your own
You can try to become a confident person on your own. There are several techniques to help cope with uncertainty.
- This method is to go slowly and gradually. For example, if you are afraid of heights, you must first go to the window on the 3rd floor, look around, look down. Gradually the floors need to be increased. Also, for example, if a person is afraid to go on dates, then the first step could be a simple compliment opposite sex, and the tenth step will be the date itself. The main thing is to arrange the steps correctly, then the 10th step will seem not at all difficult after the 9th.
Depreciation. Insecure people give certain aspects of life enormous importance that they don't really deserve. So, a person engaged in sales is afraid to offer a client a product at its real cost, because he thinks that the client will decide that he is insolent. As a result, the manager cannot sell anything. But if this same manager does not attach such importance to money, then he will calmly sell the goods for decent money, achieve success and please the client, who, after all, also wants to buy a good product and is quite willing to give a good price for it.
Spontaneous action. Many people, when preparing for a speech, constantly recite their speech, plan phrases and think about how and what they will say. As a result, they wind themselves up, increasing the real importance of the upcoming event, they get nervous, and, despite long preparation, the speech does not come out at all as planned. Therefore, if the main points are thought out and planned, then there is no need to rethink everything in detail - a speech that is not prepared in advance, but created at a specific moment in time, taking into account everything that is happening, will look much better and more convincing. If you don’t have to painfully remember all the words and sentences, then your speech will sound more confident and won’t look memorized and jumbled.
A living example. Many insecure people try to achieve everything gradually - slowly climb the career ladder and acquire useful connections. But suddenly someone comes along who does everything confidently, straight away, simply and easily. Such a living example should not be neglected - it is quite possible to learn useful behavior from it.
These are the main methods for independent work. The ability to relax, treat people in a friendly manner, understand yourself and develop your knowledge may also be useful. more people knows in a certain area, the more difficult it will be to confuse him.
But it also happens that the problem of how to get rid of uncertainty cannot be solved independently. In such cases, it is necessary to contact specialists. Among the wide range of problems solved by psychotherapists and psychologists, there is also self-doubt. A psychologist will be able to find out exactly what the the real reason problem, understand it and help a person get rid of this illness.
Therefore, you should not be afraid to go to the doctor - it is not scary at all. Moreover, as a result, you can get a completely different quality of life and a long-awaited
Self-doubt as a personality quality is a tendency to show inner fear, lack of faith in oneself and one’s strengths, inability to make decisions, express a sense of confidence (an internal feeling of strength and rightness) and confident behavior.
The phenomenon of the “Jewish mother” is well known, who dotes on her child and from the cradle inspires the baby: “Izya, you are a genius!” If the teacher speaks badly about her child, she says: “Izya! We were not understood here. Let's go to another school." The Russians nag: “Ivan, you’re a fool.” They raise a child like a mischievous cat: “Don’t interfere, don’t yell, you’ll spoil it, I’ll kill you!” Why are you so fat, you bastard? Go play with the ball!” And then they wonder why there are so many Jews among scientists, cultural figures, bankers and chess players. The secret is simple: self-confident people grow up as a natural result of respectful upbringing. Self-doubt stems from mistakes in upbringing.
The child imitates the reactions of insecure, helpless parents to life events. Until the age of six, his mind is not able to critically process incoming information. Direct and indirect harmful suggestions, beliefs, psychological attitudes, prejudices, misconceptions and stereotypes of thinking of parents, filled with self-doubt, directly fall into the child’s subconscious. From this garbage of uncertainty a bizarre bouquet is formed - a system of his ideas about life. Direct harmful suggestions are phrases like: “you don’t deserve to have this”, “that’s not a hat for Senka”, « you won’t succeed”, “don’t even try”, “what are you doing”, “you’ll be a fool all your life and put it against the wall.” Indirect harmful suggestions: « at least whatever job you need so that you don’t die of hunger.” ( implicit suggestions : “you won’t find a decent job”, “you may die of hunger”), “You don’t need any kind of husband” ( implicit suggestions : “You are ugly”, “ good husband you won't find it"), and other insidious phrases in the same spirit. In other words, uncertainty is not an innate quality. Uncertainty is a product of human socialization.
And so, such an insecure creature steps into the adult world. But it cannot achieve its goal due to lack of faith in itself. Since childhood, it has realized that all its actions are doomed to failure. Presenting itself as a small person, a bug, it overestimates the outside world. For example, he has a goal to go to university. Not believing in its capabilities, on the one hand, and trembling before the authority of the university, on the other, it falls into a stupor, into a stupor. The external significance of entering the university causes agonizing anticipation, and the internal significance is filled with a lack of faith in one’s capabilities. Having merged, they turn into uncertainty. All energy goes into worry, anxiety and fear. There is no energy left for exams.
Uncertainty is confidence, diluted with fear and awe of the significance of the outside world. In the Canadian TV series Being Erica, the hero says: “Uncertainty is in all of us. That inner voice that tells us that we can't do something, that we're not good, that we should not even try. And when we listen to this voice, we restrain ourselves, and we don’t even realize it. Because we are afraid to take risks, to dare to challenge our fears and see what we are truly capable of.”
Uncertainty is caused by two main reasons: internal - fear and external - reverence for the external, an inflated assessment of objects and phenomena of the surrounding world - importance. Uncertainty is laced with fear. For example, a person is afraid to swim (fear), thinking that he will not succeed (uncertainty). Or another example: a person wants to take a walk in the evening, but feels insecure because of cases of hooliganism in the area. Having learned that the streets of the area were patrolled by the police, the fear disappeared, and the uncertainty along with it.
Any person experiences uncertainty and a certain discomfort when being outside their area of competence. For example, an oligarch’s beloved dog became seriously ill. He is literally “shaking with confidence.” Of course, there was no trace of confidence left. Fear and uncertainty appeared. He found himself in a turbulent zone of uncertainty. And so he calls the best veterinarian. A veterinarian is a person who is insecure about his financial affairs, but a true professional in his field. And so it turns out: the veterinarian in the field of finance experiences uncertainty in comparison with the oligarch, and the oligarch experiences uncertainty in the field of medicine, where the veterinarian feels confident.
Uncertainty is confidence with the opposite sign. Like confidence, it depends not only on fear, but also on external factors and circumstances. We try to prove to ourselves and the world our own importance. This takes the lion's share of our energy. When you give up the desire to stick out and prove to everyone that you are so good and important, and simply calmly treat your importance, those around you will involuntarily feel it. Your self-esteem and self-importance will be equal to the assessment of others. Others have a sixth sense of your importance.
Over an insecure person, that is, a person with low self-esteem, the importance of everything external hangs like the sword of Damocles. The situation gets worse if there is also a feeling of guilt involved. Since childhood, insecurity feeds on guilt and drags it along with it, like a repeat offender with a criminal record. Hence the feeling of inferiority, inferiority and unworthiness. With such baggage, life goes on sluggishly, indecisively and incompetently. At the same time, manipulators flock to feelings of guilt like flies to a trash heap. By playing on feelings of guilt, they force you to make excuses and prove something. You lose energy and increase your insecurity, and they assert themselves at your expense. It is absolutely impossible to make excuses to others.
Tell yourself: “I have every right to be myself: to rejoice and grieve, to make mistakes, to commit actions that are “wrong” from the point of view of others, to defend myself if I am insulted. I have the right to have and express my feelings, assessments and opinions without making excuses or apologizing. I have the right to set my own priorities and remain myself, despite the opinions of others. Say no without feeling guilty."
Nobody has the right to judge you. Send the manipulators away. Remember: your significance is not subject to trial . This is the only way you will get rid of the painful feeling of guilt. In other words, by stopping fighting for your importance and giving up the desire to make excuses, you will resolve issues of your inner importance. It manifests itself in two forms: anxiety about one’s own importance and feelings of guilt.
You don't owe anyone anything and you don't owe anything to anyone. You love your family. Take care of her conviction and perform your duties conscientiously. Coercion and persuasion are two big differences. There is no obligation or compulsion in persuasion. To everyone who encroaches on your personal boundaries, say: “I don’t have to be an angel. All people are not sinless. I don’t have to live up to the expectations of others, tear my veins and sacrifice my Self for the sake of others.”
In addition to the internal, it is also necessary to deal with external importance, which manifests itself in the uncertainty and complexity of problems. The saying “It’s always better where we are not” comes from this series. There is no need to exaggerate the importance of objects in the surrounding world. This causes concern and anxiety. For example, you want to get a job, but you consider yourself unworthy of the desired position - self-doubt makes itself felt. Fighting for a position is not your method or style of behavior. You will worry, worry and steadily slide into depression. These emotions will consume all your energy. If you consciously throw off the aura of importance from the desired position and understand that it is not the gods who burn the pots, you will most likely take this position. It turns out that in order to achieve a position for which you are fully qualified, you only had to reduce the importance of the position. The energy that was previously mercilessly spent on experiencing one’s worthlessness is now spent on unobtrusively presenting one’s best qualities to the employer.
Even animals can be caught exaggerating the importance of objects in the external world. On TV they told a story about a thoroughbred stallion who could not be mated with a mare. They looked for the most beautiful mares for him, and every time the stallion gave in to them. Then some doc understood everything. He smeared the beautiful mare with mud, and the stallion quickly mounted her. The thing is that the stallion was timid in front of beauty, and when it was smeared and smeared with dirt, he realized that he himself was no worse or even better. Men sometimes talk almost like horses.
Often, an insecure person seeks confirmation of his own importance in the outside world through boorish and arrogant behavior. For this purpose, he can humiliate others and behave aggressively. Boors and insolent people are insecure people. In order to somehow assert themselves, to prove their importance to themselves, they begin to show arrogance and rudeness.
As for uncertainty: operating in an unstable environment and not having complete information about future events, we are all forced to somehow manage risks. It is not the reality of what is happening that destroys us, but the uncertainty of this reality. Uncertainty is impossible to cope with. Take the field of business or finance. Business is a risk. If we don’t take risks, it means we won’t earn anything. Those who don’t take risks, as you know, don’t drink champagne and don’t sit in jail. You need to treat uncertainty calmly, as an inevitable given. We are all in the same conditions on the same boat of life. The main thing is to drop the importance, and the uncertainty will disappear.
Peter Kovalev
Like any psychological problem, lack of self-confidence is a consequence of some reason that is firmly lodged in the subconscious. As a rule, the cause of constant self-doubt and inferiority complex must be sought in early childhood. It was during this period of life small man incredibly susceptible to other people's opinions and assessments, which is combined with an immature nervous system and the inability to look adequately at the world and evaluate the surrounding reality critically. In childhood, any little thing, even a careless statement, can become an impetus for the development of psychological problems in the future, which is why an adult person lives in full force he just doesn't dare.
Self-doubt: reasons
There is hardly a person who is not familiar with the problem of self-doubt. If you have avoided this problem, then there will definitely be a person nearby who, to one degree or another, is not confident in his abilities.
It is worth knowing that people are not born “confident” or “insecure.” The complex of self-doubt is acquired as a result of past unsuccessful experiences. As a result, doubts arise in new endeavors.
The development of self-doubt is influenced by external and internal factors in a person’s life.
The reasons for the development of an inferiority complex may be the following:
- Lack of family or improper upbringing in the family. Conditional love from parents (“I will love you if you behave well or do as I want...”). Comparing, evaluating, calling the child names, imposing negative labels, reading morals, orders, threats, commands, or vice versa, excessive praise. All this disorients the child and creates an inadequate assessment of himself and the surrounding reality.
- Lack of a mentor in childhood who would help in difficult situations at the right time. Most often, parents are engaged in making money and pay little attention to the child’s problems, when he really needs their support, primarily psychological.
- A crisis situation in life (divorce of parents, death of loved ones, public humiliation, insult, betrayal). A crisis situation, including an internal one, can be perceived as a tragedy. Internal personal crisis (self-condemnation, self-destruction, feelings of shame, guilt, loss of meaning in life) also influence the development of self-doubt.
Self-doubt: symptoms
- Inaction, fear of trying.
- Adaptability (do not succeed, do not stand out from the crowd, do not take risks, just to avoid losing the approval of others).
- Falsehood (the desire to wishful thinking, embellishment of reality, self-affirmation at the expense of others).
- Fussiness (fear of falling behind others, not being on time). Calmness and doing nothing causes discomfort, anxiety, and fear in such people. Therefore, they constantly fuss, running away from internal discomfort.
- Resentment, envy, and self-destruction lead to condemnation, dissatisfaction with oneself and other people, feelings of guilt, and injustice.
Five rules for overcoming uncertainty
- Notice your achievements every day. For every success, say nice words to yourself. Write down 10 things every day that you can praise yourself for.
- Learn not to scold yourself for weaknesses and failures. Come up with a positive phrase that you can use to calm yourself down at such moments, write it in a visible place, and remember it every time.
- Look your insecurities straight in the eyes. Ask yourself: is what you are afraid of really scary? What's the worst thing that can happen? What needs to be done right now?
- Do not concentrate your attention on disturbing, bad situations and thoughts. Learn to switch from negative thoughts to positive ones.
- Don't be afraid to offend the other person or say no. Of course, there is no need to become an aggressive boor. You need to respect the personality of the other person, but also respect your own boundaries and interests.
If you want to overcome a complex of self-doubt, it is recommended to visit a qualified psychologist and receive his advice.
How successful a person will be and what niche he will occupy in society depends not so much on his stock of knowledge, developed skills, and not even on the level of development of his cognitive sphere and the presence of certain personal qualities, but on how much he self-assured. After all, if a person constantly feels unsure of himself and his own strengths, he gradually gives up what he wants and loses the desire to achieve his goals.
Feeling insecure negative impact on all spheres of a person’s life, interfering with his career growth, building interpersonal contacts and creating a family, and also contributes to the accumulation of negative emotions, which over time leads to chronic stress and a depressive state. In addition, the progression of such a feeling can lead not only to a violation of the psychological health of the individual, but also contribute to the development of chronic diseases in a person (most often, insecure people are diagnosed with cardiovascular and digestive system, as well as neurological diseases). Therefore, people who are unsure of themselves should not let such a situation take its course, but engage in self-development, try to increase their self-esteem and love themselves, which will help build confidence.
Interpretation of the definition of “self-doubt”
Before considering the features and causes of feelings of uncertainty, it is first necessary to analyze this definition itself, or rather, what psychology means by this feeling. In fact, it is quite difficult to find a clear definition of the feeling of insecurity in psychological dictionaries. This is due to the fact that most psychological schools and directions invested all their scientific efforts into the study of inferiority complex, and based on the characteristics of this category, they tried to create a portrait of an insecure person.
In order to try to interpret the concept of “uncertainty”, it is necessary to understand what constitutes human “confidence”. So, confidence in psychology is understood as a certain mental state of an individual, during which a person believes something to be true. As for self-confidence, it helps a person quickly make decisions and promotes his activity, which is a necessary condition for the successful implementation of purposeful activities.
Naturally, self-doubt will be described in the opposite way. Uncertainty (or lack of confidence) is also defined as a state of mind, but in this case a person already perceives information as something that is not true for him (this also applies to the characteristics and qualities of the individual himself). As for the attitude towards himself, such a person constantly doubts his own strengths, decisions and often does not have real information about his personality. Feeling of uncertainty, as a mental state, includes the following components: emotional, cognitive, behavioral and mental (they are described in more detail in the table).
Many psychologists argue that insecurity is a consequence of past bad experiences and an inferiority complex. The very concept of “inferiority complex” was proposed Alfred Adler, which denoted a person’s expressed feeling of (exaggerated) weakness and inadequacy. Such feelings in people are formed on the basis of their feelings of personal insufficiency, which are characteristic of childhood and are considered one of the most important motivating forces necessary for personal development.
A feeling of inferiority is formed in a child, according to Adler, due to their small size and lack of power. Due to the fact that the child does not yet have sufficient knowledge about the world around him, he feels weak, incompetent and even frustrated. If a child has a moderate sense of inferiority, this contributes to the development of his personality and is a good incentive for constructive achievements. But if a person becomes deeply aware of his complexes and gets “stuck” on them, then this will certainly lead to the emergence of various obstacles to personal growth and development. Naturally, people who have certain complexes are much more insecure than those who feel happy and successful.
It should be noted here that complexes and insecurity go hand in hand, so based on the inferiority complex formed in a person, self-doubt will certainly develop. But also those who for a long time feels unsure of his own strength, and over time an inferiority complex may develop. Thus, the development of human complexes and feelings of inferiority are interconnected and interdependent.
Self-doubt: when is it formed and how does it manifest itself?
Despite the fact that A. Adler’s ideas about the inferiority complex have found recognition all over the world, it cannot be argued that all complexes and, accordingly, feelings of insecurity are formed only in childhood. Self-doubt in a person can develop at almost any stage of ontogenesis.
Of course, basic insecurity is laid down in early and preschool childhood, thanks to the influence of parents and significant adults (for example, parents can unconsciously raise a potential loser, telling their child not to touch or take anything, as he might break something , break or injure yourself). The fact is that for a child, especially in preschool age, parents are role models (the child first of all identifies with the parents and accepts their model of behavior) and an ideal, therefore everything that comes from them, including criticism and assessment of the child’s actions, is accepted as the only correct one. Therefore, parents should be very careful and exclude from their speech the words “bad”, “incompetent”, “bungler”, etc., because you cannot evaluate the child’s personality, you need to characterize only his actions, deeds and behavior (“you did wrong” ).
The most sensitive period for the development of self-doubt in a child can be considered adolescence, when, against the background of external clumsiness, the high importance of the opinions of peers and the most critical attitude towards one’s own appearance, self-esteem drops sharply. Naturally, at this time, the teenager is more sensitive to comments and criticism addressed to him (especially if it applies to him). appearance, manner of speaking and dressing). Parents of children in puberty should be very attentive to the changes taking place in their child’s personality, and if they notice pronounced complexes in him, then in this case it is worth contacting a psychologist and finding out how to overcome self-doubt and increase the teenager’s self-esteem.
As for early adolescence, self-esteem should increase at this time (compared to adolescence), but it also has its own characteristics. The fact is that in adolescence the value-semantic sphere is actively formed and the most active period of moral development of the individual is completed. At this time, young people are characterized by a clear manifestation of their convictions, firm defense of positions, ideas and the desire for perfection (idols and ideals), which is why quite often you can hear phrases like “all this because of youthful maximalism” addressed to them. The young men direct this maximalism not only to the world, but also on themselves, and the discrepancy between idealized ideas of what they want to be and what they are in reality leads to the emergence of self-doubt.
As one reaches adulthood, the ways in which insecurity is formed, as well as its causes, change significantly, because now a person is influenced not only by parents and friends, but also by everyone around him - employees, management, family, acquaintances, strangers, mass media and even the “global web”.
Self-doubt, like any mental state, finds its manifestation both in the internal (mental) activity of a person and in external reactions(behavior, actions and activities). We can say that a person may have a feeling of insecurity if:
- he is dependent on the opinions, actions and decisions of other people;
- strive to avoid responsibility (characterized by an internal locus of control);
- is characterized by passivity and does not like to take initiative;
- he may develop fears that are associated with interpersonal contacts and building relationships (he is afraid of the possibility of disapproval from others, avoids evaluating his actions, tries not to get into the center of events, shuns attention to his person and is afraid of hearing a refusal);
- characteristic low level both self-esteem and aspirations;
- does not have a tendency to spontaneously express their desires and emotions;
- excessive self-confidence may appear as a psychological defense;
- he has difficulties in defining boundaries in communication and contacts (for example, it is difficult for a person to both refuse another and ask for something).
The most common causes of self-doubt
Self-doubt, like any other human condition, cannot arise without a reason. Therefore, in order to understand how to overcome self-doubt and how to develop confidence, it is necessary to understand what caused such a person’s state.
In fact, the reasons for self-doubt can be hidden both in the physiological and psychological characteristics of a person, and arise during his life in society. Among the most significant reasons, it is worth noting:
- features of the type of nervous system;
- the so-called “genetic code” (a similar style of behavior is observed in previous generations), but it should be noted here that this reason is the most controversial among psychologists, since many modern researchers argue that there is no heredity of behavior, only identification and imitation;
- copying adult behavior patterns in childhood;
- features of the style of education in the family, and then in other social institutions;
- the influence of the social environment and the norms and “cults” accepted within it (the propaganda of “cliche” and stereotyping is especially influential);
- the impact of the media on the human psyche (popularization of not standing out from the crowd, suppressing the initiative and uniqueness of each individual through the demonstration of negative information and violence, thereby contributing to the development of a feeling of uncertainty about the future);
- destabilization of the economy in a particular state and the world as a whole (a person feels the precariousness of his position);
- presence of negative past experience;
- “excellent student syndrome” (when constant high expectations on the part of parents, friends, oneself, ultimately develops into inaction, so as not to make a mistake and not disappoint significant people).
Here it is also necessary to dwell on the main mechanisms of the formation of self-doubt (they are presented in the table).
Self-doubt: the main mechanisms of formation
Mechanisms | Peculiarities |
Imitation of others and identification in childhood | In childhood, the child unconsciously adopts the behavior pattern of adults, he identifies himself with them and naturally imitates everything (therefore, if the parents show insecurity quite often, the child will do the same) |
Learned helplessness | This mechanism also works actively in childhood, when the child is unable to change various external events and circumstances. This creates a tendency to do nothing and change nothing. Quite often it manifests itself in children raised in orphanages, who were subjected to frequent punishment, or, conversely, in those who were constantly justified and pampered |
Negative assessments from the outside | Uncertainty can form as a persistent formation due to the fact that a person may lose faith in the effectiveness of his actions and undertakings due to a constant negative assessment of his past attempts. In this way, low self-esteem and an insufficient level of aspirations are consolidated; a person reduces his desires and stops setting ambitious goals for himself. |
How to overcome self-doubt or effective self-help
In order to answer the question of how to overcome self-doubt, a person must first accept it and admit that such a feeling prevents him from successfully adapting to the surrounding reality and living in harmony with other people. This is necessary so that all subsequent actions aimed at developing self-confidence are effective, since the first step to overcoming any problem or difficulty is awareness of its presence and the recognition that it needs to be dealt with.
So, what methods of dealing with self-doubt work best and do not require constant monitoring by a specialist (psychologist or psychotherapist) over the progress of their implementation. Among the exercises and methods aimed at increasing self-esteem and, accordingly, creating more high level self-confidence, the following techniques and rules can be distinguished:
- autogenic training, self-hypnosis (you should often tell yourself that everything will work out and notice even the most insignificant victories) and relaxation help a lot;
- you need to try to remember a moment or situation when a person was confident in himself and thanks to this he achieved success in something (even if it was a performance at a school concert);
- it is necessary to write down and analyze all your fears that prevent a person from making decisions (these are fears of evaluation, non-acceptance, condemnation, refusal, one’s inferiority and insolvency);
- strive to increase your own self-esteem (you need not only to see the shortcomings in yourself, but also to emphasize your existing strengths, in addition, you should praise yourself and give compliments as often as possible, and also learn to accept them from other people);
- you need to develop the habit of defending your opinion and making decisions;
- learn to take responsibility for your actions and actions (form an external locus of control);
- try to make contacts and interpersonal interaction more often (be able to not only express your opinion, but also listen to someone else’s), but if a person experiences serious difficulties in communication, he should attend communication training;
- try to restrain yourself from self-criticism and self-flagellation;
- you need to love and respect yourself;
- try to get rid of the habit of comparing yourself with ideals and idols;
- set realistic goals for yourself and not place inappropriately high demands on yourself;
- You should engage in self-knowledge and self-development of your personality.
If a person is unable to cope with feelings of self-doubt on his own, then it is worth seeking professional advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist. They will be able to develop an individual correction program, taking into account all personality characteristics and specific life circumstances, which will help quickly and effectively build self-confidence in a person.