How to survive and succeed in a women's team. Rules of survival in a women's team When you joined a women's team

On the subject “Psychology” one of the topics of lectures for students is given the issue of employee behavior in a team. Especially a newbie. It is very important to find collective language, become a member. Quite a lot of literature is devoted to this rather important topic.

So how to behave in a team?

Firstly, you need to agree with the general opinion, but sometimes still insist on your point of view.
Secondly, you must comply with all accepted rules of behavior in this team.
Thirdly, the most important thing is not to insult anyone, not to praise or brag yourself. Do not discuss or ask about anything other than work. In one word, do not transform workplace to the bazaar.

The most The main thing for a newcomer as an employee to show himself from the best sides. Try your best to show brilliant knowledge. If you have any questions about your current work, do not hesitate to ask a colleague. It’s not difficult for him, and the work will be done without errors, and a common language can be found faster.

This all concerns behavior in a team from the point of view of theorists. IN real life these rules apply, yes, and they can be followed, and can even be taken as a basis. However, the theory does not provide advice on whether how to behave in a women's group. Here the listed rules can help in some way, but only to a small extent.

When you get to the department where square meter There are three women sitting there, and even a couple of decades older, no theories will help here.
In such a team, mixed with work, a mandatory attribute is a discussion of everything and everyone, grinding out all the details of someone’s actions. My favorite pastime is drinking tea at any time of the day.

Working day in a women's team

A typical working day schedule in a women's team looks like this:

Arriving at work, the obligatory cup of tea or coffee with a sandwich or cookies, or something else. Next is a discussion of yesterday's life after work. Everyone takes turns sharing what they heard or saw, discussing yesterday’s episode of a very interesting series or program. By this time, an hour to an hour and a half passes. Then they swing for another half hour to work. The work is going on and being done. After continuous work for an hour, one of the women says something, and the rest join in, and the discussion drags on for several tens of minutes. Once finished, work begins again. Next is the lunch break, for some it starts earlier than expected. The break is over, first thing is a cup of tea or coffee with cookies or fruit. Discussion of what we saw at lunch. Half an hour has passed, work begins. After an hour, someone gets tired of the silence, someone throws a topic into the department, gathering everyone for discussion. And so the day passes intermittently until the very end. Yes, at 15:00 another cup of tea or coffee.
The whole day is subject to discussion large number people. If I accidentally said something, they will immediately raise it for a general discussion, everything will be decided, all the pros and cons will be found. In most cases, there are only disadvantages. This is the essence of older women.

Hierarchy

In a women's team there is always a leader, but this is not always the boss. A sort of ringleader, a hurricane of the entire feminine essence in the middle of the department. She decides everything for everyone, is always up to date with all the news, she makes decisions for the entire department. Without her word, no one can do anything.

A female team is one of the worst things that can happen at work. Especially the female team, where the age difference between the workers is very large. It is difficult for a woman of pre-retirement age to find a common language and a young girl who has just started labor activity. And if this girl is a new employee, even more so. Exists big risk to be eaten in a group where elderly women, who have already experienced the worst in life, are dissatisfied with life and everything. When they begin to teach life to a young, inexperienced, incompetent person, when they begin to discuss all the ailments that have arisen with age, which the young girl has never even heard of, which it is too early for her to know about, and which she doesn’t need to know about at all.

One can also add that the female team has the peculiarity of holding and sharpening a grudge even within itself against anyone. Women can smile at the moment when cats are scratching inside her, and a hurricane of anger is aroused. But a minute later the smile is replaced by a grin and a splash of this very hurricane. The hurricane has passed, but the emotions and memories from it will live on for quite a long time. But the attitude immediately returns to its previous friendly level. And so on endlessly.

In general, the girl who ends up working in a department with female colleagues is unlucky.

How to behave in such a team?

• Do not talk about your personal and family life to anyone. There will be gossip and unnecessary conclusions.
• Talk about everything only in general phrases, do not get personal. Otherwise, you may not like some words; there may be a hidden meaning in them.
• Do not express an opinion about something, otherwise you may meet ill-wishers who think differently.
• Do not gossip, otherwise you may become the target of other gossip.
• Don't show yourself as better than others, don't show off your new purchase or your new tan. In general, try not to stand out from others.
• Don’t argue, don’t prove your conviction, just express what you think and stay with your opinion inside.
• Try to be polite with everyone, but don't get too personal.
• Do not strive to become a servant, do not prostrate yourself in front of your colleagues in fulfilling requests. There is a risk of being run errands.
• Do not be rude and respond in a rude manner, even if there is a conflict.
• Don't hold a grudge against anyone.
• Be independent. Don't have close relationships. And if the need arises, conduct a thorough check.
• If you find that you have become the object of general discussion, do not pretend to be embarrassed, act calmly and indifferently, as if nothing had happened.
• And most importantly, stay positive and don’t take everything around you too seriously.

Now, if at least one man diluted this hellish mixture, it would be a completely different matter!

We couldn't ignore this article. After all, men in HR often have to act alone

I was inspired to write this material by numerous references to how difficult it is sometimes for a woman to get along in a male group, to be alone in an office full of men, and what pitfalls there are in all this. But I have never seen a story about what it’s like for a man who, by the will of fate, finds himself not at a machine, but in the same office with a number of young and not so young non-technical women. Believe me, here, too, not everything is so simple for linear male thinking. I once found myself in a similar situation and I will tell you that this is, in fact, an invaluable experience, but at times very painful.

But first things first.

I will not bring up male chauvinism in the article, but will simply list a number of situations, real and simulated, in which it is better to pretend to be a rag and not move, or, conversely, to throw your chest into the embrasure. The article was written based on personal experience work in several small organizations, in one of which, as a support, I did not have enough table in the overgrown developer’s office and I ended up with my female colleague in the office of other young ladies and, in fact, found myself “alone in the field.”

Start

First of all, once in an already formed women's team, i.e. In a separate office, it is worth learning that everything that you ever say can be used against you in the future. It is highly advisable to be as polite, friendly and taciturn as possible. A neat appearance plays a huge role, even if your appearance cracks the mirrors. Pay special attention to your shoes; if a man does not pay attention to your trampled sneakers, then your female neighbor may draw a conclusion that is absolutely incredible from your point of view. Most likely, they will not speak to you for several days, or solely for work reasons, this is normal. Be silent, listen and do your job. This is the most peaceful time. At the same time, do not go too far with silence, answer calmly and affably, otherwise there is a risk of being branded as an unpleasant redneck, or even generally “dreadful”.

Afterwards, a more active acquaintance with you and questioning begins.
One way or another, you will start a conversation, most likely in the office itself, and they will start asking you about personal things. Who you are, where you worked, what you breathe, and so on. I extremely, simply extremely strongly recommend not to brag about anything and maintain a neutral position, since an opinion about you can be formed at the same moment, and your advantages (according to your own assessment) are regarded as disadvantages.

Please note that even if you are talking to only one girl in the office, and everyone else is looking at the monitors and working enthusiastically, don’t be mistaken, you are giving an answer not to a specific person, but to everyone at once, even if they in no way show their participation in a conversation, with a probability of 90% they listen to you. This is generally an amazing ability to listen, speak and do something at the same time, inaccessible to me, just as inaccessible to my understanding.

Disputes, communication and discussions

The most important thing is not to destroy your interlocutor in a discussion.
There are topics in which you are better versed than others. Most often, by explaining his wrongness to a male colleague, he assimilates new information and rethinks it. A woman, especially your colleague and especially on work matters, may perceive your flow of information as a personal insult, especially if you do it in front of your roommates. And there is no worse enemy than an insulted woman, so never try to act condescendingly or lecturer-style to suppress a person with your knowledge, this will end badly for you. The best option- to help when asked, and not to intervene yourself; offering your opinion/point of view/help on work issues is stepping on very thin ice. Young ladies who are not used to working and communicating with men may react the way they are used to, and this is strikingly different from what you expect to see. For the worse.

Question and answer

Be mentally prepared for the fact that many women very often do not answer the specific question posed. Those. you can come up and ask, conditionally, what color are ripe bananas. They will ask you why you need bananas, are you sure that they are bananas, and how many pieces/kilos do you need? Then you will receive the answer that the color changes depending on the type of banana, and in general, you are working directly with oranges and look away orange color. And you can read about bananas somewhere else. Maybe I'm just a loser, but I encounter moments like this all the time. Even the colleague who is most loyal to you will often not be able to specifically answer the question specifically posed to her and, one way or another, will lead the topic aside. I'm talking about situations where you're new and haven't been working with her for years, don't forget that.

Personal enmity

This is the strangest thing in the behavior of many, especially young and ambitious girls. I saw a young employee of the HR department who had a very tense conversation at work with one of the guys only because he was not handsome in her opinion, which was loudly voiced after the door was closed behind him. Those. The external biological factor of a person added problems to his work and it was clear that he had a contemptuous and condescending attitude towards him, which, let me tell you, is very unpleasant. In general, very often there are “personal” hostilities in women’s groups. A girl may be annoyed by the timbre of your voice, the way you speak, dress, the way you brew coffee, or the fact that you rock in your chair. Any thing can lead to discord in the relationship with a colleague and subsequent problems. Unfortunately, I was never able to figure out how to avoid this and being nice won’t save you here. Be prepared for the fact that you haven’t done anything wrong at all, but they don’t like you, this is normal and cannot be changed with a 90% probability.

General conversations

Quite often in men's groups, dialogues between two people develop into a collective discussion of some issue, not even related to work. In the women's team everything is different. You can work with them for quite a long time, however, your connection to the conversation may be perceived as an intrusion into the dialogue, even if you have something useful/funny to say, and your chances of running into the phrase “I’m not talking to you” increase sharply "in various variations and intonations. If possible, avoid collective conversations in which the initiator is not an employee loyal to you, otherwise your “karma” inside the office will drop by a few more points and sooner or later will hit the floor.

Restoring Relationships

Once you transfer a female colleague to the category of “mortal enemy,” you will no longer take her out of there. By the way, you may not even remember what happened that made them dislike you, but keep in mind that she remembers everything. Thus, all you can do is maintain neutrality and try to abstract yourself from the personal conflict, because any attempt to resolve it properly and expectedly will not have an effect, and any word you say will be initially regarded as an act of aggression, and any mistakes you make will be very carefully monitored, as well as your job is to look for vulnerabilities if the young lady also turns out to be vindictive. In this case, you either have to work perfectly or look for new job, or hope that life will separate you into different rooms/departments and you will no longer intersect. Do not let yourself be deceived by polite communication, or even jokes from the “enemy”, as if everything has returned to normal; as soon as you have a vulnerable spot, they will very quickly put pressure on him, perhaps just for pleasure. There may be some sexism here, but I have not noticed such behavior in men.

"Safe Groups"

From my own practice of several teams with a sufficient number of women, I personally identified the following, least “dangerous” and non-conflict categories of colleagues:

• Young mothers under 30 are most often calm and friendly
• “Tomboys” who prefer to communicate with men more than with women
• Less common are wealthy women 35-45 with family and children

Accountants should not be included in these groups, they have their own spherical situations in a vacuum and I’m afraid to even get involved in this, they are very nervous.

In general, I highly recommend singling out “single” colleagues right away, but not in order to hit, but in order to understand that these people are the most susceptible and, often, suspicious, especially at the age of about 30. Based on personal statistical sample married girls and women are calmer, emotionally stable and loyal to men as such, perhaps due to the fact that they constantly communicate with by their own husbands and learned to interact with a representative of “our species.” Also remember if there are any brothers/sisters. The only daughter in the family, at times, grows up to be an extremely selfish person, which follows her like a trail in everything.

And of course, education plays a huge role. I have never had conflicts with girls with a technical/mathematical education, perhaps because of their student experience and life in a “male” team before that.

Bottom line

Perhaps the material turned out to be too “captain” style, but 85% of the men I know have never been in such situations, and the remaining 15% do not like to spread the word.

First of all, you go to work to earn money, and then everything else. But remember, carelessness in words, looks and gestures with women can seriously poison this part of your life to the point of seeking change. Women are more sensitive and it’s worth noting this on your nose if you haven’t worked side by side with them before. If you cannot get enough help from your colleague, look for it elsewhere, because then the accumulated problems will lead to open conflict, which is analogous to a nuclear war of extermination. Don't go to extremes and take care of yourself.

P.S. I'm not a sexist and I'm always happy to communicate with new people of any gender, especially girls :). I have extensive experience in communications and in general my work involves communicating with people as support. But specifically the situation within some groups raised questions in me that I am still looking for answers to.

Share your stories in the comments.

• Career and Self-development

How to survive in a women's team?

The main feature of the ladies' group is that women have a greater need for verbal communication than men. It is not for nothing that in most cases girls begin to speak earlier than boys. Women need communication - and communication is not virtual, but live.

Conversations

This leads to the first factor that needs to be taken into account - they always say here. About work and bosses, about children and problems with husbands, about shopping and hairstyles... And that’s good. You always have the opportunity to discuss pressing issues: from a quarrel with your husband to the best store to buy new shoes. But this feature also has a downside.

Firstly, the workflow suffers. Especially if you have recently been working in a company and are not yet accustomed to planning your work time taking into account the obligatory conversations and tea parties.

Secondly, conversations here often become common property - and therefore it is very easy to ruin relationships with colleagues or superiors by once participating in their discussion. And in such conditions, you can easily become the hero of gossip - it is enough to tell a little about your personal life.

Who are we fighting against?

It is also common for women sense of community- being with someone is more comfortable for them than being alone. Therefore, certain interest groups are often formed in the workplace. This is a normal situation if interests are not related to work. But if one group, for example, supports the boss and enjoys his favor, and the second does not, conflict cannot be avoided. The usual difference of opinions that manifests itself during a conversation about trifles can also aggravate relations between groups.

Follow the rules!

In a women's team, rules always apply. The problem is that these rules are usually not spelled out in the regulations. There is an unspoken daily routine, there is an informal leader, and it is worth observing some verbal obligations that apply within the team - for example, an agreement on mutual replacement in case of illness, on donating money for employees’ birthdays, on joint celebration of holidays, etc. Refusing to comply with these unspoken rules is the easiest way to cause hostility from the team.

Correction for emotions

Firstly, pay close attention to the work being performed - then ill-wishers will not have the opportunity to find fault with you or “sit on you”.

Secondly, try not to splash out your emotions - calmness and politeness have a better chance of support. In addition, if there is no reaction, attacks on you may die out on their own.

It’s interesting that a conflict can be resolved by... a man. It has been noticed that if a representative of the stronger sex appears in a women's team, the ladies change their behavior - they become softer, more accommodating, and begin to pay more attention to appearance, while the struggle for power fades into the background.

Maybe this is it - perfect way combat the negative characteristics of the female team - invite a man...

If you find yourself working in a women's team, then always remember that this is not only friendly communication, discussion of the latest new cosmetics or the latest fashion show, market prices and various gossip. Quite often, in women's groups, Mexican passions are in full swing, hiding behind smiling faces. But if fate decrees it this way and you find yourself in a “nice” female team, and the boss is a woman, you need the right tactics to save your job, reputation and at the same time achieve professional growth. Some recommendations on how to work in a women's team.

First, you need to find out what type of boss you are, because the atmosphere in the team depends on her.

The types of leaders are as follows:

• Inferiority complex. Under the leadership of a boss of this type, intrigues and struggles for the right to be the “favorite” happen most often. She often experiences sudden mood swings bordering on hysteria, and begins to tyrannize and humiliate her subordinates in order to appear successful. Study well the weaknesses of your “boss” in a skirt in order to find the right approach to it and in no case put pressure on them, then there is a chance of getting a raise wages or even a promotion. Give her compliments more often, let her feel like a good leader.
• Dictator. Work comes first, objections and punctures are unacceptable, for her there is no family and personal relationships, so asking for time off for family reasons is useless. There is only one approach to this type of boss - to prove that for you work comes first, you can’t live without work. It is important to show that you are improving your professionalism with the help of various courses, seminars and special literature and that your efforts will not be in vain. You will be noticed and perhaps offered a promotion.
• Do not interfere with the work of the team. They believe that non-interference does not interfere with the work of subordinates, and if they cannot cope, then it is better to fire them. Because of this attitude, intrigues, struggles for power and promotions flourish in the team. The most natural struggle for survival. In such a situation, try to perform your duties efficiently and do not allow yourself to be drawn into intrigue and struggle between employees. At the same time, try to follow the rules of behavior in this team.

Try not to talk about your personal life, do not give your colleagues food for gossip.

There is no need to come to work in flashy outfits and bright makeup; business style is preferred at work. Remember that, as many employees as there are in the team, there will be as many opinions about you and advice about your appearance, and over time it drives you crazy. To your nervous system was normal, be as polite and friendly as possible, and do not take these comments into action. No one should tell you or decide for you what to do. Learn to be in the office with everyone in the world, and it is useless to fight with their own methods.

Be sincere in your dealings with your colleagues and, if possible, offer heartfelt praise. There will always be a reason.

You can’t do without envy in a women’s team, because there will always be one whose dress is more beautiful, whose husband is richer and whose salary is higher. If you are not accepted into the team, then you can always manipulate with the help of envy. Tell us about a wonderful weekend and perhaps you will be invited to another get-together.

The worst thing that can happen at work is to end up in a women's team.

Yes, even if between employees big difference aged. After all, it is more difficult for a young girl and an older woman to communicate; they have different views on life. And if this girl is new, then she risks being “eaten” by old ladies who have seen life.

When a man gets into such a group, the whole situation changes dramatically. But this does not mean that he will be courteous and treat everyone neutrally; this behavior would be ideal. But, alas... As soon as a man finds himself in the company of beautiful ladies, he will not miss the opportunity to flirt with the woman who attracted him. And then the war begins against the chosen lady, the rest will want to attract the attention of the newly admitted member of the team.

If you are lucky enough to win the favor of your boss, then do not tell others about it to avoid envy and gossip. And try not to participate in the discussion of others, in the struggle for affection. Decide for yourself what is more important – work or relationships. Most likely, work, so try to make others pleasant to work with you.

There are many reasons why it is believed that the women's group is a punishment.

Many will agree that it is simply impossible to work in such a team, but work must be done. Therefore, be patient and calm, try not to end up on the enemy field, where you can be destroyed. Set an example of how to treat others, perhaps you will be respected and accepted into the team.