How to teach a child correct behavior. How to teach a child good behavior. Ignore bad behavior

Discipline is a way to teach a child proper behavior, not punishment. The appropriate methods depend on the age of the child. Set some rules that your child will understand to teach him discipline. Be consistent and offer rules that will help your child succeed. Praise your child for good deeds and encourage him to behave correctly.

Steps

Rules and consistency

Set house rules. A child of any age must clearly understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Set house rules to communicate your expectations to him. The child needs to know how not to behave and what the consequences of such behavior will be.

• Rules and consequences are determined by the age and maturity level of the child. It is important for young children to understand not to hit others, while older children need to know what time they need to go home by in the evening. Use a flexible approach that takes into account both the child's age and the need for new boundaries.

1. Create a routine. The routine helps the child reveal his best qualities, feel security and confidence in the future. If your child begins to indulge at the same time every day or when he is tired, consider these aspects to offer him a suitable routine.

   • The morning and evening routine should be predictable so that the child clearly understands what awaits him every day.
   • If temporary changes are expected (a trip to the dentist or relatives visiting for a couple of days), then this should be reported in advance.
   • Some children cannot easily change activities. If your child needs time to adjust, then reflect this moment in the daily routine.

2. Determine natural consequences for actions. Natural consequences will help the child understand the essence of cause-and-effect relationships and get used to taking responsibility for their actions. It is necessary to provide the child with free choice, which will determine the consequences. Explain to him what the final result depends on. This way, children will be able to make independent decisions and immediately understand the severity of the consequences.

3. Be consistent and constant. Many parents begin to make exceptions to the rules or get away with some offenses. Children should understand the inevitability of consequences and the impossibility of evading. Show that you are not joking. Demand that you follow the rules and remember the consequences for any misconduct.

   • Don't be surprised if your child has an excuse or can explain their behavior. In such a situation, you need to clearly state: “You broke the rule and you cannot escape responsibility.”
   • If you have several children (or multiple families living in the house), then it is very important to behave consistently with each child. Otherwise, they will feel unfairly treated.

4. Expectations must be realistic. Don't set the bar of expectations too high, otherwise the child will feel pressured, and if too lenient, children will be willful or will not be able to reach their full potential. Each child develops differently, each has different strengths and weaknesses. If one of the children is older, then do not expect the younger ones to behave in the same way.

   • Find out what behavior is considered normal for that age group.

   The smallest

   1. Redirect children's attention. Little kids can wreak havoc in no time! If your baby is trying to do something inappropriate or doesn't want to share with other children, then keep him busy with something else. Suggest another activity. Praise your child if he shows interest in him.

      • If a child is doing something that is dangerous to himself or other children, deal with the threat immediately. Safety comes first.

   2. Use warnings. Young children need to be constantly reminded of everything. You should warn your child if he is about to commit an inappropriate act or break the rules. Thanks to the warning, he will understand that the action will lead to consequences. Use phrases such as “If... then...” so he understands the implications.

      • For example, say: “You can't fight. If you beat your sister, you will go to the corner.”

   3. Place the child in a corner. This method allows the child to calm down and pull himself together. Is the child playing around or not listening to anyone? Put the baby in a corner so that he calms down and understands that he cannot behave this way.

      • Usually the number of minutes in the corner corresponds to the number of years the child has lived. You can also leave the child in the corner until he calms down.

   4. Use simple and short explanations. The child continues to accumulate his lexicon, so don't use complex language. Talk to a small child in simple language and in as short sentences as possible. Explain what the baby did wrong and why there will be specific consequences. Then tell them how to behave in the future.

      • For example, say: “You hit Anya, so stand in the corner. You can't fight. If you suddenly get upset, then next time just call me.”

   5. Provide little choice. Young children love to feel in control of the situation - these are the first manifestations of independence. If your child is playing around because he doesn't want to do something, then give him a choice. This will help limit options and allow the child to control the next step.

      • For example, let your child choose a bedtime story or a T-shirt. If he doesn't want to wear sneakers, ask him to choose between green and red.
      • You can also suggest putting on a jacket or going to a corner. Say: “Choose what you like best?”

   6. Offer an alternative. Offer an example of correct behavior so as not to tell why the child is behaving incorrectly. The child may not understand how to behave in such a situation, so offer an alternative.

      • For example, if a child pulls the cat by the tail, say: “Let’s better pat him on the head.”

   Junior schoolchildren

   1. Use logical consequences. At this age, in addition to natural consequences, you can add logical responsibility. Having a logical relationship between actions and consequences will help the child better understand the consequences of his actions.

      • So, if the child lied about completing an assignment, give him additional assignments.

   2. Discuss your child's behavior. Younger schoolchildren are already old enough to understand and be aware of their actions. Use this opportunity to teach your child empathy and why certain behaviors are considered inappropriate or bad. This way the child will begin to understand how his actions influence others and himself.

      • For example, schoolchildren often begin to lie to gain attention or push boundaries. If a child deceived you, then explain that lies offend other people, and the child himself risks losing trust and even friends.

   3. Let your child choose his responsibilities. Students like to have a choice, because choice allows them to control the situation and creates a desire to achieve a goal. If you can't get your child to do his chores (or homework), give him a few options to choose from. In the case of homework, let him choose in what order to do his homework or what to do during certain periods of time.

      • When it comes to household chores, offer 6 options from which 4 must be chosen.
      • Some parents give gifts or money if the child does more than necessary. In this case, let your child earn a prize and tasks can be randomized using straws of different lengths. How more difficult task, the more valuable the prize or more money!

   4. Help your child succeed if he or she is being careless or irresponsible. Some children get into trouble because they do not complete their chores or homework. Sometimes laziness is the culprit, but try to create an environment where your child feels comfortable to succeed. Notice your child's failures and offer support during difficult times.

      • If your child constantly has difficulty completing homework, then help him figure it out.
      • If he is often late for first class, suggest a morning routine that gives your child plenty of time to get ready. Encourage your children to prepare lunch for school and pack their backpack the night before.

   5. Praise your child when he behaves well. If your child has successfully completed the task, then you need to show that you are proud of the result! Praise and recognition mean a lot to any child. This way he will understand that you have noticed his success and feel proud. Usually it is important for a child to receive the attention and approval of his parents, so do not deprive him of such emotions.

      • For example, say, “I know you didn't want to clean the room, but I'm proud that you did it yourself. Now you can go visit your friends.”

   Teenagers

   1. Invite your teen to set boundaries with you. Sometimes it is useful to get children's opinions about what they consider reasonable and fair. It will be easier for a teenager to follow the rules if he accepts responsibility for his behavior and the boundaries he sets. The parents should have the final say, but the teenager's opinion should also be taken into account.

      • Say that you are willing to listen to reasonable criticism and suggestions regarding the rules. If your teen wants to change a rule, encourage him to justify his request and offer an alternative.

   2. Deprive the teenager of privileges. If a teenager misbehaves, deprive the child of some privileges, be it watching TV, a smartphone or pocket money. The privilege must be earned again by exemplary behavior.

      • For example, if a 13-year-old is snapping, take away his smartphone for a day. If he continues to be insolent to you tomorrow, then extend the time without the phone for another day. Tell him that he can return the phone when he behaves.

They avoided irritants, and in difficult situations tried to take into account the child’s characteristics. But now the school year has arrived - and with it the inevitable invitations to children’s birthday parties with animators, long waits for one’s turn at the clinic and, in general, the need to contact big amount children and adults - both at school and in kindergarten. Practical advice Irina Lukyanova, the author of the book “Extreme Motherhood,” gives information on the behavior of a child with ADHD in stressful situations.

Every family has its own situations in which children and parents come into conflict. Somewhere the children are whining so much at breakfast that they are driving their dad crazy. Somewhere, a mother, after visiting a shopping center with her children, returns home with shaking hands. Somewhere, fights in the backseat drive a parent driving crazy - especially if he is stuck in a traffic jam and is late for work.

There are no general solutions for such situations and there cannot be: all children are different, and what works with one does not work with another. There are only general patterns that, as a rule, help.

The general patterns are something like this:

• balance expectations with age;
• formulate clear and few rules and clear consequences for breaking them, update them in memory before important events;
• ignore less serious violations, work over one skill at once;
• reward good behavior.

What situations are the most difficult for children with ADHD and simply active and restless children?

We cannot demand from a child something that is not appropriate for his age: for example, to sit decorously at festive table together with grandma and her guests, there are salads, then main course, then dessert...

"How long can your daughter sit quietly at the table? Five minutes? Make it five minutes," says Dr. William Sears. "Make the table environment inviting rather than tense and restrictive. Talk about things that interest her, not Encourage her to participate in adult conversations. Let her tell you something interesting about her day; many babies do better when they are the center of attention. Give her paper and pencils when she finishes eating so she can keep herself busy, or give her something to twirl in her hands or sit next to her soft toy, which can be “fed.”

Of course, every home has its own rules of behavior at the table: some are stricter, some are more lenient. “Don’t spit food” and “don’t throw bread” - goes without saying. "Don't fight with your brother" - too. But “don’t talk with your mouth full” and “don’t drink the rest of the soup from your plate over the edge” - is it worth throwing a child out of the table for violating these rules?

Preschoolers irritate their parents with their picky eating, slowness, and attempts to attract attention at all costs. At this age, it can be helpful to draw table rules on paper and hang them above the table, writes Lisa van den Geyn. Before eating, you can call the children to the table and ask them to remind them of the rules of behavior at the table. When they behave well, thank them. Sometimes - gently correct: “I think you wanted to say: please pass me the ketchup.” Before going to a party or a restaurant, we also remember the family rules: “In our family, it is customary to talk quietly at the table and not to put your hands on other people’s plates.”

As children get older, they bring gadgets to the table, eat without waiting for anyone, and criticize the food served. They can be reminded that adulthood at the table is demonstrated by the ability to use a knife and fork, not an iPad, and those who are dissatisfied with their mother’s culinary skills can start cooking on their own. It's not a fact that it will work. But maybe the child will either learn to cook, or will be forced to accept what they give.

Another stress point for families of children with ADHD is long wait times. What can you do with your child if there is absolutely nothing to do? You can play word games. You can tell and compose fairy tales. Play finger games. Coloring books and glove dolls, if stocked up on them in advance, will also do a good job. You can learn poetry by heart.

You can do observations and research. I remember how our car once broke down, and while my dad was looking for help, my first-grader son and I had to stand motionless for twenty minutes on the median strip of the winter road. As a result, we decided to find out which cars pass by more - red or white. He counted the red ones, I counted the white ones, and when dad came for us, the son did not want to leave: there were two fewer red ones.

For kids on the road you can collect small toys, etc. Now you can even buy such boxes: they are specially designed and produced for families traveling with children; They are also on sale in Russia.

It is important not to forget food and water, to correctly assess the child’s capabilities (the need to walk uphill for half an hour in the heat will make even a very patient child get tired), and not to let him get overtired and overexcited, especially if we are talking about a child with ADHD.

How to regulate your child's behavior at children's parties

Children with ADHD do not tolerate both an abundance of impressions and forced rest when there is a lack of impressions. Both in “quiet” and “loud” in public places It’s difficult for them, but in different ways.

Children's clubs, restaurants, birthday parties at McDonald's, amusement parks, holidays with animators, Christmas trees, theater and circus performances, large shopping centers- all this is overloading nervous system child. He gets wound up, begins to rush from one bright stimulus to another, and if he is not stopped in time, taken to a quiet place, and not allowed to calm down, we will very soon end up with a red, sweaty, screaming and cackling child with glassy eyes. He no longer understands what is happening, does not hear when people turn to him, and cannot stop. The next stage is hysteria.

Therefore, if we are going to visit other children or to a performance, we need to understand how many people will be there, how noisy and bright it will be, whether active games are expected (a chase with shooting from toy pistols, laser guns). Is there a quiet place where you can go and calm down?

Before leaving, we remind the child about the rules of behavior in a public place or ask him to repeat these rules. We remember what will happen if a child breaks these rules (fights at a birthday party or shouts something in the theater during a performance). We agree on how long we will stay there and when we will go home.

If children are left alone with someone's parents or animators, give a responsible adult your phone number, tell them what to do if the child gets overexcited, don't go too far, and be available to pick up the child in case of a tantrum or fight.

If you immediately assessed the situation and realized that your child is definitely in danger here breakdown, it's worth picking it up earlier.

Children with ADHD often have problems getting along with peers. It happens that children from birth are able to understand someone else’s condition, sympathize, and intuitively feel when they are being deceived or laughed at. Many children with ADHD do not feel any of this, do not understand. Some of them behave like a fabulous, stuffed fool - always inappropriate. For others, it seems that the whole world is against them - or, on the contrary, everyone is friends with them, when other children shy away from their obsessive attention.

Irina, the mother of 17-year-old Ivan, says: “It always seemed to Vanya that the world was hostile to him: if they laugh somewhere, it’s at him; if they talk about “abnormals,” then it’s about him. He survived it. Everyone loves him , girls are rushing after him, he is a good student. But he still perceives any sideways glance as an attack. He did not perceive the whole range of friendly emotions and relationships at all, he considered any touch a threat. What saved him was that it is difficult to offend him. Today, then he would hit, and tomorrow they would be friends again. It also helped to voice his feelings: he perceived what was said out loud as already done: he would shout, “I’ll kill them all!” - and calm down, as if the real action had already taken place.”

There are a lot of tasks when teaching a child to communicate. We need to teach him how to make acquaintances correctly (starting a fight on the playground is not The best way make acquaintances), understand facial expressions and read social cues, maintain dialogue and eye contact, talk about topics of interest to the other person, actively listen, control your tone, show an appropriate sense of humor, be able to say “no”, cope with teasing, cope with stress, with anger, resolve conflicts...

Parents have to work on social skills consistently and seriously. You need to observe how the child interacts with others. Analyze situations. Role-play or with toys the necessary models of social interaction. Do not immediately throw the child into a situation of communication with many children, but start with playing with one child under parental supervision.

Experts advise working on developing new skills gradually, one at a time. Set specific goals for your child: not “behave decently,” but, for example, interrupt others during conversations this week by half. Or play peacefully in the yard one day this week. Or learn one new way to respond to teasing. Or learn to show “I’m listening to you” (nod, say “uh-huh,” etc.). This is a lot of work, and here the child needs the help of parents and a psychologist.

Instilling in a child basic norms of behavior with adults and peers is not an easy task. When preparing for school, the child must be able to take care of himself and follow the rules of school etiquette. The inability to communicate and find a common language with peers sometimes becomes an obstacle that is very difficult to overcome.

Parents want to see their child educated, responsive and friendly, because their child is the best and most well-mannered. And often, due to their parental love, they turn a blind eye to many things, justifying the actions of their children, and convincing themselves that they are still small...

The time comes and the former preschooler becomes a first-grader. And if by this moment he has not formed elementary norms and rules of ethical behavior, the child will have a hard time. Such unprepared children do not know how to say hello, apologize and ask about something; it is difficult for them to find a common language with their classmates.

And if from childhood we teach a child the basics of etiquette, then in the future he will grow up to be a well-mannered and educated person.

Preparing for school is a long process; how well-mannered the child grows up largely determines his further successful education at school.

I bring to your attention games and game situations to teach a child politeness and culture of communication.

1. Act out a dialogue with your child about the culture of behavior between people of different professions. For example: between a friendly seller and a buyer, a teacher and a student, a doctor and a patient, a driver and a passenger. You can also include relationships between family members in the game: between a friendly grandmother and grandson, brother and sister, etc. Discuss together the popular proverb: “Don’t be obnoxious, but be friendly.”

2. The participants in the game take turns throwing the ball, saying polite words. The game can be complicated by offering to name, for example, only words of greeting, gratitude, etc. It is also possible for each player to repeat the words said by other participants before him, and then say his word.

3. Ask your child, using the norms of speech etiquette, to ask how to get to the zoo, swimming pool, metro, museum.

4. Suppose a child is often rude to adults, although you have repeatedly talked to him about this topic. Call one of the chairs in the apartment a “magic chair”, after sitting on which a person stops being rude. If the baby is still rude, ask him to sit on this chair for a longer time, listen to himself and try not to be rude anymore.
You can choose several “magic chairs” and call them the qualities that the child lacks. If difficulties arise, defuse the situation by asking your child to sit on the courtesy chair or the good manners chair.

5. Such a creative task will be interesting and educational for the child. Ask him to draw who a well-mannered person can be compared to. For example, with the sun, because every morning it kindly greets everyone. This game task can be repeated a little later, when your son or daughter grows up. Compare the work of a child of different years. If the task seems difficult for the child, do not be lazy to draw your own picture and tell us who well-mannered people remind you of.

6. Learn the proverb with your child: “Modesty suits everyone.” Think about this situation: what would a modest person do if he receives the most incredible things as a gift - a rocket, an airplane, a beautiful car, a chest of jewelry, a magic castle, etc.

7. If the child is not modest, come up with and together make a “decoration (beads, necklace) of modesty.” These can be beads made of acorns or other natural material etc. (the kid will offer many ideas). Explain that this is a magical decoration that teaches people modesty. Find a special place for it in the apartment, and if the child forgets about modesty, again offer to put it on and think about it.

8. Mom or dad explain the game situation: “There were polite words on the shelves in the store. Among them were words of gratitude (thank you, thank you, please); greetings (hello, good afternoon, good morning, good evening); apology (sorry, excuse me, very sorry); farewells (goodbye, see you later, good night). But suddenly from open door the wind blew, all the words fell and got mixed up. We need to put them back on the shelves.”
To play the game, it is advisable to prepare cards with the indicated polite words.

9. Introduce your child to the proverb: “If you notice the good, you won’t look back at the bad.” Ask your son or daughter to close their eyes and remember everyone good people In my life; everything good that ever happened to them; all the wonderful places they've ever been; actions that they can be proud of, etc.

Preparing for school - tips for parents

The behavior of a child in public places is a good example of our viability as parents and educators of the younger generation.

Photo source: i1.woman.ru

Last week my daughter and her friends had a dress rehearsal for the dance: stage, spotlights, loud music - the children were very worried.

A large number of spectators - management, senior subgroups of the dance group, relatives - also did not contribute to the peace of mind of the six-year-old artists.

Photo source: www.inreads.com

A whole family came to support one of the girls morally: mom, dad and a 2-year-old baby, who loudly began to demand sweets from his mother. Not getting what he wanted, the child began to scream hysterically.

When the “light spots” were lit on the stage, the boy, no longer paying attention to his parents, continued to twist, squeal and did not react to any of his mother’s tricks, in the form of a slipped mobile phone.

The coach, trying to shout down the child, tried to explain to the girls the way out of the wings - the parents continued to “amuse” their son, but not one of them even made an attempt to leave the hall with the baby in order to let the other children work in peace.

And only after the director of the cultural center approached the mother and asked her to leave the room so as not to interfere with the rehearsal, the mother, throwing a scandal, left the hall with the child, defiantly slamming the door.

The earlier the better

Already at one and a half years old, a child understands perfectly how to behave with mom and dad, and how to behave with grandmothers or strangers.

Photo source: blog.comacgroup.com

Why take your child with you to the hypermarket if you know for sure that he will throw a tantrum or grab products from the shelves and throw them on the floor? Isn't it better to save your nervous system and buy the necessary minimum at the market or in a convenience store?

Photo source: cdn.kidspot.com.au

Is it really useful and necessary to take the baby to a big store with the whole family if dad can walk with the restless one on the street while mom buys groceries?

Why take a small child with you to the theater or cinema, on an excursion or to a museum, if you know that after 20 minutes your baby will become so bored that he will begin to test the strength of your nerves and the nerves of those around you?

Photo source: rsvk.cz/wp-content

A child is a mirror of parents

He will behave the way you allow yourself and him. If, in response to a hysteria, your mother frantically grabs and buys a chocolate bar, because of which, in fact, this hysteria began - be prepared for the fact that the same “one-man show” awaits you next time in the store.

It is quite easy to explain to any child the basic rules of behavior. They are all based on the same platform: if you want to go to adult establishments with adults, then follow the established rules.

Photo source: img.7ya.ru

Rules for everyone's comfort

During a performance in a cinema, theatre, ballet or concert hall, you must not make noise, shout, jump up from your seat, or rustle wrappers or bags.

Tell a child who has mobile phone or tablet, that while watching a theatrical performance you must turn off the sound and put away the mobile device.

Photo source: www.psypress.ru

You must go to the toilet before the show starts., so as not to be a hindrance to other spectators and not to miss part of the action on stage.

In a museum, art gallery, or at an exhibition, you must maintain silence. Do not allow your child to touch the exhibits.

During the guide's story, ask your child to listen carefully to the necessary information., if the child does not understand something, explain it to him in accessible words yourself.

During a mini-lecture, you cannot interrupt the narrator, all clarifying questions can be asked after the block of necessary information has been given.

Photo source: assets.inhabitots.com

Children pick up on the fly

Any child from early childhood understands how good or bad children behave. If you explain to your child the basic rules of behavior, do not forget to remind them in the right situation, punish for failure to comply with these rules (punishment means calmly taking a rowdy or crying child out into the street or the lobby of the establishment).

Photo source: images.speakingtree.iimg.in

And he will know that throwing himself on the floor in a store demanding sweets, laughing loudly or playing around with a neighbor and peer during a theatrical performance is unacceptable, just like jostling in line or screaming in a museum, wanting to touch an exhibition dinosaur.

At what age did you start telling your child how to behave in public and expecting decent behavior?