How to learn to communicate with people psychology. Rules and psychology of communication with others: are they so complicated? Ask the right questions

Secrets of sociability - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting interlocutor?

Many people indicate as their strengths such a quality as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people. However, in reality, it often turns out that their opportunities are limited to communicating only in a certain company of people close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom some rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, have a comic fight, laugh loudly and comment on the words of their interlocutors only with the help of short “swearing” words. When such people find themselves in the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become tense and cannot say practically anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to express their thoughts clearly and clearly, without resorting to “strong” expressions.

What factors influence the ability to communicate with other people?

There are often situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent conversationalist, suddenly begins to behave somewhat differently. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively to even the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally abandon the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. People who are insecure usually take this completely personally and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you or your interlocutor gets off on the wrong foot, all his charm may evaporate somewhere. All that will remain is an irritated grouch who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom you simply don’t want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes it upon themselves to start the conversation first. What is he doing? The first thing you need to do is get to know the other people sitting around, say your name. A feeling of mistrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of others present, but does not give his own name.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Without knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. It seems that he is either too "frozen" about expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both of these sharply reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Pretense of emotions, smiles and inappropriate laughter are clearly not the means that allow you to win other people over and create an atmosphere favorable for communication.

Have you ever seen how people, even if they don’t know each other very well, sometimes create interesting situations when do they want to chat? They sit closer, but not so close that from the outside their communication looks too intimate. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and having a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a complete stranger sits close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting you on the shoulder, or whispering annoyingly in your ear... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, without even paying attention to the reaction of others. He accompanies each of his words with excessive gesticulation, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires are brewing in the souls of those who are not lucky enough to be nearby...

Bad communication experiences can make you withdrawn

To summarize, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• community of interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the communication process;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes feel a little jealous because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with them does not present anything difficult for them. But for others, the very thought of this seems simply terrifying: what if this person says something that after his words you just want to fall into the ground? Or die on the spot?

It's often difficult to start a conversation

Give up your prejudices. When starting to communicate with another person, you need to refuse any ready-made installations and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you managed to put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one person is responsible for your burden of experienced failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. Better pay attention to positive traits the person you are communicating with. As psychotherapists say, there are no shortcomings in a person, but there are peculiar advantages that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we recognize a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without unnecessary fuss, chooses his words, is not afraid to look his interlocutor in the eyes and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not show off his knowledge and competence, expresses himself in the correct language, and does not try to overwhelm him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback . Typically, people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they look into the eyes of the interlocutor from time to time, but do not use x-ray looking. Typically, the intense police gaze usually makes one want to escape from being so deeply immersed in someone's inner world.

Know how to listen to your interlocutor

Don’t decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relationships between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his own, you talk about yours. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own selfishness and incorrect expectations regarding other people may be to blame. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from his immediate environment. It’s like the joke about how a man went into the bathroom to wash and shave and came out a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and...finale la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people believe that omissions and the ability to read between the lines add special flavor to a conversation. Usually everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what is being said, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and in an understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and know how to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can imagine it too!” When an interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that the issues that concern him are of no interest to anyone. A feeling of his own insignificance and inferiority awakens in him. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard the person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is being interrogated with bias, and will try to interrupt the difficult communication for him.

Know how to manage the attention of your interlocutor. Important point, which allows you to win over other people - the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and your interlocutor. For example, if you think that the atmosphere is getting too tense, it makes sense to use an excuse to leave the person alone with his thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with a humorous overtone. It is better to switch the interlocutor’s attention to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruit. The psychological meaning of this is that from the verbal, mental or emotional channel a person switches to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to make even the simplest things beautiful literary language, immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the eldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to carry on a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if they answer you differently than you wanted, nothing bad will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that comes from life experience. But next time you will know that there are some nuances that you need to be very careful with. Without practice, any skill will atrophy on its own. Including the ability to say something...

In order for communication to become effective and you can talk to people easily and confidently, you need to have some knowledge. For example, if you want to achieve success in business or are attracted by the idea of ​​making a brilliant career, then the ability to communicate at an everyday level will clearly not be enough. It is necessary to develop communication skills, because you must understand how to learn to communicate with people on a business level.

Photo: NakoPhotography/depositphotos.com

What kind of people need to learn to communicate effectively?

There are people for whom it is easy to find a topic for conversation and who can freely carry on a conversation in any situation. They have a natural talent for communication and charisma, and this captivates others.

They require absolutely no effort to start a dialogue and immediately arouse sympathy from their interlocutor. But what about those who want to succeed in life, but do not have an innate talent as a speaker? There are several secrets to learning to communicate effectively and interact confidently with others.

Seven Steps to Effective Communication

Eat simple rules, following which you will become a good conversationalist.

Confidence

Good people skills start with the ability to show that you are a reliable partner. To do this you need to be confident. The ability to carry yourself confidently attracts others like a magnet. The appearance of a decisive person convinces others that this interlocutor is worth their time. A confident person will not waste your time beating around the bush, but will immediately get to the point of the conversation.

Confidence

You need to look your interlocutor in the eyes. Nobody trusts people who usually look away during a conversation. Attempts to avoid eye contact indicate, at a minimum, a person’s disinterest, and, at a maximum, his dishonesty.

When a person looks into the eyes of his interlocutor, this instills trust in him and in everything he says.

Such a minor nuance helps to establish reliable contact with your counterpart. Therefore, in a conversation you need to be confident and never look away.

Name of the interlocutor

When starting a conversation with a stranger, find out his name. Repeat the name out loud. This will help cement it in memory. Always use the other person's name during conversations and smile.

Interest in the interlocutor

Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing tires the person you are talking to more than being forced on a “tour” through the labyrinths of your life. One of the best ways to learn how to communicate with people is to let them talk about themselves, rather than force them to listen to your stories. This will help the other person feel more at ease and will now increase their self-confidence. Eastern sages teach: speak once and listen twice!

The right questions

When contact is just being established, it is important to avoid awkward pauses in the conversation. One of the fastest routes to awkward silence is asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

An important skill for successful communication is the ability to ask questions that require a detailed answer. This will start a conversation. Just don't lose your sense of proportion. You should not bombard someone with questions; this is a good way to make a person feel uncomfortable. The conversation should not turn into an interrogation.

The power of knowledge

Effective communication begins where people are broad-minded. Comprehensively developed person with broad interests will be attractive to different people. Communicating with such a person can be easy and interesting. His head is full of topics to discuss, and he can quickly and confidently adapt to any conversation. Finding a common language with his interlocutor is not difficult for him.

Risk

Often people cannot ask for something because they are afraid of refusal. Failure makes a person feel flawed and inferior. But refusal should not in any way affect your self-esteem.

The only way to learn how to speak to people correctly and confidently is through practice, where you hone your skills.

There is also an element of risk here: you never know in advance how the conversation will go. But if you are afraid to step out of the shadows and begin to hold on to your “safety,” you will never acquire the ability to easily and confidently make contact and will remain on a path that leads to nowhere.

These are not all the secrets of successful communication, but rather the most basic ones. There are other aspects that also need to be taken into account:

• You have to be honest. When people are reliable and honest, communication becomes much easier. Then there is no need to think about what we are going to say, no need to worry that the untruth will ever be revealed.
• You must be able to adapt your ideas to the perception of others. When we have some interesting thought, a clear image of the idea forms in our head; but this image is not always clear to other people either. To be heard, you need to find a way to express your thoughts. It should become clear to everyone. You need to know your audience well if you want to communicate with them effectively.
• Pause before answering. We usually try to answer right away, but sometimes just a tiny pause can work wonders. She gives you time to think; and this is important in order to more accurately understand what the interlocutor is talking about, or to clearly formulate your idea that you want to convey.
• Try to understand what your interlocutor is saying. You need to listen carefully. This way, you will be able to understand what is being said, rather than just waiting for your turn to say something in response. Too often we listen “out of the corner of our ears” while thinking about our answer. To communicate effectively, you need to work on understanding what others are saying.
• Be patient and open. Sometimes short communication may not be too comfortable for you in some way. Recognize to yourself that this contact does not have to be the way you would like it to be, and continue to behave correctly and be patient. Always be patient and keep your mind open to learning new ways of communicating and understanding.
• Try to provide feedback. When it's all said and done The best way To find out how effective it was, ask your interlocutors about it. Take time to talk to those you communicate with frequently and find out how you could improve your communication with them. Sometimes this feedback is easy to provide and will give you a clear idea of ​​what you still need to work on; and sometimes this is not entirely easy to do, but your efforts will still be worth it!

Start small

Learning to communicate effectively with people takes time. A person who sets a goal to improve their communication skills will progress at their own pace. Don't try to learn everything at once, start small.

At its core, effective communication begins with self-confidence - this is the thread that ties all your other qualities and skills together. Each new meeting helps increase your self-confidence and adds new dimensions to your experience.

To practice, expand your social circle in your office, for example. Try to start communicating with sellers in a store or market a little more than usual.

When it becomes easier for you to communicate in your usual society, begin to contact people of higher rank. Gradually, you will learn to talk to different people, and your skills will become more and more firmly established. On occasion, you can even general director large company to talk and make a favorable impression on him.

How to communicate with extroverts and introverts

People are divided into several types, and each has its own communication style. Knowing how to build a conversation with a counterpart who has one or another type of temperament, misunderstandings and related misunderstandings can be avoided.

• Introverts: They find it difficult to communicate. They carry their experiences deep within themselves and avoid unnecessary contacts.
• Extroverts: their need for communication is maximized. They constantly inform others about their experiences, convey their views on the circumstances, and find new acquaintances in any situation.

These psychotypes are rare in their pure form; mixed personality types are more common.

You need to find out your character type. If his qualities are closer to those of extroverts, to make communication easier, try not to talk only about yourself all the time. It is necessary to listen more to other people's opinions and not express open disagreement. As soon as you manage to establish communication, people themselves will begin to reach out. Leadership positions in the team can be easily won due to the openness inherent in nature. Resentments arising from perceived neglect will disappear.

An introvert has a more difficult task, so it is more important for him to learn how to communicate with people correctly. It can be difficult for them to find new acquaintances and friends. This affects the professional sphere. Therefore, despite the difficulties, you need to overcome yourself and move towards rapprochement. As a result, you will be surrounded by those people who will appreciate the tacit approval of the introvert.

When entering into a dialogue, you need to try to analyze what psychotype the person you are communicating with belongs to. To an introvert? You should try to bring him up to date, listen carefully to rare remarks, and tell him what the situation looks like from different points of view. His silence may lead to serious misunderstandings. Facial expressions, facial expressions, and tone will help you understand his attitude to the subject of conversation.

An extrovert cannot be talked into. You have to keep your eyes open with him. If he tries to deviate from the topic, you need to firmly move the conversation in the direction that interests you. It is necessary to let him speak, but firmly convey his point of view. You can even do this with a bit of rigidity. Such people are usually not touchy, and if this trait is present in their character, they are easy-going.

When talking with your interlocutor, you need to show interest in communication. It is very good to emphasize important points with intonation.

There's no point in arguing. If the arguments are unconvincing, it is better to end the conversation on a friendly note and continue at the appropriate moment. You can’t raise your tone or start shouting.

How to arouse interest on the part of your interlocutor

We are all individuals. Everyone has their own goals, views on life, principles and priorities. Everyone's desire to feel important in society is normal.

Be very careful in your judgments. It is better to leave the last word with the interlocutor than with yourself. Give in to him in an argument: the relationship will not deteriorate, and you will remain unconvinced.

Do not show arrogance in any conversation. When speaking, weigh every word. An arrogant tone, a desire to elevate yourself above your opponent can greatly offend him, and then his opinion of you will not be the best, and he is unlikely to have a desire to communicate with you again.

Try not to remain on the sidelines, be closer to people. It is much more pleasant to communicate with someone who is on the same wavelength, so hiding in a corner will not be the best solution.

What you should pay attention to

Avoid conversations where there are complaints about your boss, colleagues, work or your fate. Remember that everyone has enough problems without you, so no one wants to listen to other people’s problems. People communicate for fun.

An important psychological point in a conversation is the posture in which you and your interlocutor are. It has been proven that by adopting the pose of your interlocutor, you thereby open him up to communication and create comfortable conditions for him.

When speaking, try to remain yourself. Unnaturalness in communication, the desire to show yourself as a completely different person from the outside can look very funny and ridiculous, although it may seem to you that you fit into this image perfectly. You won't be able to play for long, and sooner or later people will find out what you really are like. So, why show off, deceive your interlocutor already at initial stage communication. Naturalness and ease are the basic rules of behavior.

Often a person’s complexes serve as an obstacle to normal communication. Each of us has both advantages and disadvantages, but not everyone is prevented from starting conversations and becoming the life of the party. If you yourself feel good and confident when communicating, those around you will notice and appreciate it.

The main teacher is experience that does not come immediately. To obtain it you need time and appropriate conditions. The main thing is to be as confident a person as possible, to be able to “convey yourself” to society. Expand your circle of friends by including different people: by age, by views, and by life principles.

Any communication starts small. Thanks to some communication skills, you will be able to become an authoritative person in your circles, to whom everyone will listen with interest. It’s not for nothing that they say that self-love gives rise to the love of others for you. Only when you begin to respect yourself will others begin to do the same.

The ability to communicate will definitely lead you to success. Don't be afraid to come out of the shadows and start communicating first. Be polite and friendly, and then you will be able to win sympathy from your interlocutor.

Discussion 9

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Still, how to talk to people correctly, the psychology of this issue is extremely important. The fact is that our whole life, if we look at it honestly, is woven from communication. 90% of the human body consists of water, and in the same way our whole life consists of 90% communication.

Convey to him clearly, loudly enough. And such things as emotions: you don’t always need to say something rudely, for example. At the same time, different emotions are needed in a given situation. There really are no bad emotions, but emotions should be used appropriately. Just like the volume of your voice: sometimes you need to yell for a person to hear you.

Somehow, a friend and I began to conflict, but the common intention was to work together, and therefore we talked through some sensitive moments, it turned out that no one wanted to put a noose around the other’s neck and friendship was restored. It even somehow became warmer with this person.

On this wave, I began to tell him some story from my childhood. And as soon as I started telling it, my soul, as they say, just turned around... And he banged: he suddenly had an urgent need to go somewhere - I have to go, I’m running away.

Has this happened to you?

And it happens that you tell another person something, but it’s not clear whether he listened to you or not - he doesn’t say anything in response. In situations like this, when you wanted to tell someone else something, but he simply didn’t let you know that he heard you. In such situations, you want to say it again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

In the end, a person can simply go crazy because you’ve been telling him the same thing 100 times already. To prevent this from happening, he would simply say: “Dude, I heard you.” And sometimes it is enough to say: “I see.”

7. How to succeed in communicating with people - the secret way

And for starters, another secret way to help you achieve success in communicating with people. You need to understand that people are not always in good shape. Even the best of us find ourselves in situations where we are in need.

So you buy tangerines from a southerner, and he says: “Listen, it turned out to be 2 kilos - 150 rubles in total.” You give him 1000, he takes it, gives you tangerines and begins to tell you that his grandmother really likes to eat these tangerines: “You won’t believe it, you won’t believe it, the most delicious tangerines.”

You tell him: “Well, okay, then give me the change.” He says to you: “Yes, yes, I’ll give it to you now, listen: grandma, my grandma, she’s very smart and she never tires of repeating that the tangerine is the most valuable fruit!”

And you tell him: “Still, dear, I understand you about your grandmother. But please give me some change.” In the end, surrender finally comes to you. That is, sometimes some management of the conversation is required to achieve results.

It happens that a person needs such control when he lacks attention - he jumps from one thing to another. And it also happens that it is not profitable for him or he wants to make more money on you. Or for some other reason he tries to move out on purpose.

In both of these cases, you can, with the help of competent communication, bring the process to the result you need.

Conclusion

These are the 7 most important psychology skills on how to talk to people correctly. They are required by a complete person: a stranger, an acquaintance, a loved one, an old person, a relative, a child...

If you have these skills, then you stand head and shoulders above everyone else. The thing is that the ability to communicate is a key ability in life. There is simply no other ability that is so important.

So now be sure to download my book “”. I collected there only key things on communication. These secrets will be useful to you anywhere. Wherever communication can occur.

Happy communication!

Your Mr. Smile :)

Today I was asked a very interesting question - how to learn to communicate with people? Of course, someone is surprised that a person does not know how to communicate, but if you think about it, not every conversation goes as it should. I will talk about how to communicate with people correctly, what you should pay attention to and share your own secrets in this matter.

IN last years, especially after the release of a series about one extremely smart detective, being a sociopath is fashionable. However, it will not be forgotten that even that same notorious detective knew how to carry on a conversation - another thing is that the topic for dialogue with him had to be chosen in a special way.

Every person, if he lives in society, must be able to communicate. Even if he believes that he could do just fine without this skill. However, over time it becomes clear that communication is not just friendly chat over tea for any interesting topic. The following actions can be included in the framework of communication:

• employment;
• communication with the work team;
• family relationships;
• contacts with service personnel;
• contacts with superiors;
• parenting.

Even if it seems to you that you are not talkative at all, and there is no need for you to learn how to talk beautifully, you are mistaken. Any encounter with other people involves communication. And the best thing is to know how to communicate correctly.

There is another side to the issue - the need for communication. Psychology considers the need for communication as one of the most important and basic. If you know how to carry on a conversation, sooner or later you will want to implement this skill in your own life.

Basic rules for pleasant communication

The art of dialogue implies certain rules; if you follow them, then any dialogue will be easier and freer. Read them and you will understand how to talk.

1. To understand how to talk to other people, you need to listen to their speech. It's best to talk at the same pace, and with similar intonations, then the interlocutor will be more favorable.
2. There is no secret to talking about something you understand - speak firmly, clearly and competently.
3. To understand how to talk, try polish your written language first. Psychology connects the ability to write beautifully and the ability to express one’s thoughts orally.
4. Take time to understand how to learn to speak competently. Read Russian language textbooks, re-read fiction, find a style that suits you.
5. Develop your vocabulary. Otherwise, you may be interested in how to talk for a long time, but still not be able to - it is very difficult to talk about serious topics using vocabulary, like Ellochka the cannibal.
6. Gesture and work with mime, when you learn how to communicate properly.

Psychology links several information channels together. Thus, a person better understands and remembers what was said if it caused an emotional response in him.

Chatting with strangers

Let's try to figure out how to learn to communicate if you are not sure that you are an expert in this field.

Let's look point by point.

How to start a conversation if you're shy? The main thing to do in this situation is to get out of the stupor. Psychology also advises shifting the focus of vision to something understandable or pleasant. The easiest way is to approach the person starting to say something in a few steps.

Psychology calls this method a deceptive maneuver, and most often it is used by older people who are ashamed to admit that they do not know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Remember - many people approach a person, muttering something under their breath, and then turn to him, as if by chance.

Okay, let's say you come to to a stranger, and managed to start a dialogue with him, what next? And then there are several ways - you can try to ask the person about what interests you, or try to tell something about yourself.

There are also a win-win, most often it is used by people in craft professions while working. This method implies starting a dialogue on one of the current topics. Politics, psychology, social pedagogy. At worst, the dollar exchange rate and the roads will come down.

By the way, there is another way to start a conversation with strangers, it is often used by hitchhikers. The point is to ask one question, and then ask the interlocutor three times for his last phrase.

For example, talk about bad road surfaces, and when the interlocutor says a few words, repeat the last 2-3 words out loud with a questioning intonation. The interlocutor will begin to delve into a topic he understands, and you both won’t notice how easily and naturally you start talking.

Worried about how to learn competently talk? This question is more complicated. First you need to determine whether you have speech problems. Record several monotonous pieces of text on a voice recorder, and then carefully listen to this audio recording several times.

Conclusion

I talked about how to learn to communicate, but perhaps I’ll make a small conclusion. Before you worry about learning how to communicate, practice at home in front of a webcam or smartphone and evaluate your speech from the outside. When thinking about how to learn to communicate, we too often feel deprived of interesting events.

This is completely normal - first our lives are filled with close people, then events, and only then - the hidden meanings and motives of both people and events.

Read more, listen to recordings of your speech more often, and of course, don’t forget that the best skill can only be acquired through live training - meet people and learn to maintain a dialogue.

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is being said is lost on our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration and conflict.

By , you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of your interlocutor. Whether you're trying to communicate better with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers, you can improve communication skills that will allow you to significantly improve your rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Effective communication involves more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including nonverbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control oneself, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and the person with who are you communicating with?

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork and normalize shared decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or breaking trust.

Although effective ways You can learn to communicate with people; nevertheless, their spontaneous acquisition from life experience is more effective, and not in the process of acting according to templates. A speech that is sight-read, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to do so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

The easiest way for me to communicate is with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

• Take your time - take time for personal communication.
• Agree that it is normal to disagree with something.
• Make sure you don't hold your breath.
• Listen before you speak, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
• Take a time out when you are already too stressed.

Barriers to effective interpersonal communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

Lack of attention

Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Negative facial expressions

All our days pass in communication, but the art of communication is the destiny of a few...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 Key Skills to Improve Communication

1. Become an interested listener.
2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
3. Control yourself.
4. Be confident.

Habit 1: Become an Engaged Listener

Eat a big difference between when you listen carefully and when you simply hear information. When you really listen, when you really engage with what is being said, you recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that tell you about how that person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a stronger, more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you're talking to is calm, as reflected by, for example, listening carefully to what you're saying, you can also become more calm. Likewise, if a person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and communicate with another person, you will naturally listen carefully. If this is not the case, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and effective your interactions with other people will become.

How do you become an engaged listener?

Listen with your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for recognizing speech and emotions. Since the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for right side body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, lower your chin slightly, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help you catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is being said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to shift the conversation to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you're forming in your head what you're going to say next, you can't concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what was said. Periodically nod approvingly, smile at your interlocutor and make sure that your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh-huh.”

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is enthusiastic...

Give us feedback. If the thread of conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. "That's what I hear," or "It sounds like you're saying," wonderful ways bring the conversation back to the right point. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound forced and unintelligent. Instead, express what you understand to be the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify things: “What do you mean when you say...” or “Is this what you mean?”

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal cues

Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective with open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or sit on the edge of your seat, and maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message—patting a friend on the back to congratulate him on success, for example, or fist bumping to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret nonverbal communication

Analyze nonverbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or nonverbal signal. Consider all nonverbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of communication and body movement. Anyone can sometimes make a mistake and look away, for example, and let the eye contact slide, for example, or briefly cross their arms, without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze his nonverbal signals comprehensively.

Tailor your nonverbal cues based on the context of the conversation and the setting. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when speaking to a child than when speaking to a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence, even if you don't actually feel that way, through positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into your chair, try straightening your shoulders and standing with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and giving the person you're talking with a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help put the other person at ease.

Habit 3: Stay in control

How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends or co-workers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret it later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether you need to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as indicated by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or introducing a loved one to, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and communicate effectively. stressful situation. These tips may help:

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Make one judgment and give an example or provide information that supports your statement. If your response is too long or you ramble on about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one statement with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether there is something else worth talking about further.

Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same timbre of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language communicate relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Briefly state the main point your speech and stop talking, even if the room is silent. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Once you learn how to quickly reduce tension in the moment, even if you can handle any strong emotions you experience, control your feelings and behave rationally. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and engaged, even when something upsetting is happening, you can stay emotionally alert and alert.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

1. Notice when you get nervous.
   If you're nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it aside.
2. Ask your mind for “help” and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positive image that evokes positive emotions.
   The best way to quickly and reliably reduce stress is to listen to your senses: vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to sensory sensations, so you need to find what works for you in a calming way.
3. Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
   If you approach it correctly, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
4. Be willing to compromise.
   Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all parties concerned. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for the future relationship.
5. If necessary, stand by your opinions.
   Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and step away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in a quiet place to restore inner balance can quickly relieve stress and calm you down.

Habit 4: Be Confident

To increase self-confidence:

• Value yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
• Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
• Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you also need to show respect for others.
• Take comments towards you positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
• Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing positive communication skills

Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts are unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement may communicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, "If you do not comply with the agreement, I will be forced to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations, which will help build your self-confidence. Or ask friends or family if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.